It is springtime.
Five months have already passed since I started writing in my diary. Today’s weather was clear. A little too chilly to wear thinner clothes, but the gentle rays of sunlight were shining down.
In contrast, however, my heart was instead in a cloudy state… And I know the reason why. I discovered that the people who used to be so important to Onii-chan have appeared before him. I know about them, because Onii-chan himself told me about them over three years ago.
Onii-chan and I revealed to each other that we had memories of our past lives, and while I was surprised at the time, I also felt really happy. I heard lots of stories about Onii-chan’s previous life, including ones about those people.
For example, Onii-chan had four people in his family, and other than his parents and little sister, he also had a female childhood friend who was practically family. His parents divorced when he was little, and he had to part with his mother, sister, and that childhood friend, too. After that, he lived with his father until he became a high school student, and he always remained in love with that childhood friend…
I haven’t asked Onii-chan directly, but I think those people are very important to Onii-chan right now. Because when Onii-chan was talking about them, he looked so fond — yet somehow lonely.
However, Onii-chan asked me not to reveal anything about his previous life to those people, and I cannot understand the reasoning behind that. Just imagining myself in Onii-chan’s shoes makes my heart hurt. At the very least, I think it’d be difficult to pretend like everything was OK. Being unable to inform your most precious people of your existence… it must be very painful. Especially if you had never thought you’d see them again.
In that regard, I must be very fortunate right now: I was able to meet the person who used to be most precious to me once again when I was reborn, and have him know about my former self. That is a very fortunate thing indeed.
But what about Onii-chan? How is he feeling right now? Isn’t it painful for him? When I think about Onii-chan like this, my heart aches.
I’m worried about him… but that’s only half the reason. I’m anxious, too.
I wonder if Onii-chan can find peace and quiet with me, in the same way that he’s become my source of solace. That’s why I’m scared of those people coming to the village. Somewhere in my heart, I’m deeply terrified that those people will become more important to Onii-chan than I am. I’m so scared of seeing what Onii-chan’s true feelings are, and it leaves me anxious. I’m a coward.
The bad part of me is absolutely terrified.
That’s why, when Onii-chan departed from the village today, I sulked as I clung to him. In order to assert my place next to him, I hugged him super tightly. Then, Onii-chan hugged me even more gently than usual, patting my back softly.
As I was filled with relief, I noticed my cowardice, and felt greatly ashamed of my weakness. Even though I was worried for Onii-chan, I still needed to depend on him in the end. Even though I had told myself that it was my turn to do something for Onii-chan, after all that he’s done for me…
That’s why I’m reflecting. I have to think about the future… That’s what I decided.
While I’m panicking like this, the situation is continuing to move forward. In two weeks, Onii-chan will bring those people to the village.
I can’t sulk anymore. I promised myself when I first started this diary that I would no longer be timid, that I would become someone who can proudly call herself Onii-chan’s little sister. That’s why I have to think about what I can do for Onii-chan.
Because I’m worried about Onii-chan. Because I’m his little sister. That’s why I won’t sulk anymore.
If they’re people precious to Onii-chan, then they’ll be precious people to me, too. I will face them proudly. I’ll become super close to them, and on top of that, I’ll work my hardest not to lose to them, fair and square.
That’s what I’ve decided.
This is a declaration of my resolution.
Although it makes me nervous wondering what kind of people they are… Even so, I want to see Onii-chan soon. I want to meet Onii-chan’s special people.
So, when Onii-chan brings his precious people to the village, I’m going to be the first one running to welcome them. As Onii-chan’s current little sister, I won’t give this role up to anyone.
I’ll be waiting, Onii-chan!
— Diary, Day 153.
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